I am walking through a meadow, the sunlight is streaming down as I wade though the wildflowers. I can hear insects buzzing and there is a light breeze. I am walking in my brown boots, slowly, lightly, smelling the fresh air and being warmed by the sun shining. I am walking towards a light.
As I get closer I am aware of a figure in the light, sitting in stillness, eyes serene. I kneel in front, basking in the light, a different type of warmth. There is something I need you to do for me. What? I ask. Show people the way to love. Be trust and faith in this world. I bow my head and soak in that thought.
I am walking through a meadow, sunlight streaming, the insects still buzzing around the beautiful wild flowers. There is a lady in front of me, standing waiting for me to reach her. As I get closer I realise that she is me, of indeterminate age, she spreads her arms out and gives me a hug. She is wearing a pretty, soft pink shift dress. She looks happy and content and balanced but with a mischievous twinkle in her eye. She looks at me directly, and smiles and says, the most important thing for you to do now is to get your joy back. What you need to fulfil your purpose is joy. Really look at things, slow down, breathe. When you feel joy, you will trust, things will come, doors will open.
If I had that reassurance, that groundedness and grace, what would my life be like? I would be more relaxed, I would worry less, accept myself and others more. I wouldn't have to impress anyone, I could just listen and be myself, loved, cherished and very, very joyful. What do I need to do to show people the way to love? What do I need to be trust and faith in this world? I need to practice being joyful. I say practice because that's what it is, a habit. I will be joyful when I remember, and in time I will become more and more joyful, more and more myself. I think that is what I really want out of life, to fully be myself. As Claire Zammit says. 'There is no competition if the game you're playing is to fully be yourself'.
I will start to create my future here, I will start to grow towards the woman I want to be, like a rose seed stretches to become a rose, like an acorn grows to become an oak. My future is calling me.