I bumped into Miss H and we were having a chat about G: I love G, she is so positive about me that it's hard to be down on myself when I'm around her. In fact, I would say that if she thought it was appropriate she would probably be dancing about behind me, singing my praises and banging a tambourine if she could. Miss H exclaimed, 'Oh is there a vacancy for that? I would have applied if I had known!'. I was so delighted that I recounted it to Middle B to which she promptly replied, 'Well, there would be a whole group of us behind you!'. At this point I blushed a bit and stammered slightly - I mean, really?! But that's the point, isn't it? None of us really know the impact we are having on other people and it appears that I underestimate my impact on a fairly regular basis.
I was talking to someone about all the changes that have happened in the Buddhist Centre over the past few months and how that's been pretty up and down for me, and he said, 'I come in for a class and see your big smiling face..... you're my inspiration, you can't give up.' It really moved me actually. I'd been thinking about my feelings and how disconnected I felt, but it hadn't occurred to me that other people haven't had that experience of me. It made me realise that other people remember what I say and that they look to me for some stability and I have to be careful not to lose hope, if only for other people.
Can I say though, that when I told this all to Mrs Im she chortled and said, 'But I don't like tambourines. What would I do?' I said, 'How about dancing round behind me playing a small piccolo or something?', she said she reckoned she could live with that.