Sunday, 16 June 2013

Losing my footing

Life is definitely making me learn how to gallop, and I have to say I'm feeling more than a little saddle-sore. I've had more up and down emotions than a see-saw lately and I'm struggling to find the nice, calm centre. Miss H has moved out and is going to London in September, Miss V and her beau are also heading to the big city, a couple of other friends are emigrating to Canada in August, Doc is moving out too. My hormones are going crazy - acne, just in time for summer... boooo! Not to mention that after months of intense flirting, I finally approached my crush about it - only to have him tell me that he is starting something with someone else. I saw them in the supermarket together the other day and I had to go and hide in the cheese isle until I was sure they had left. My word, doesn't life like to throw things at me - usually a lot in a very short space of time! The saddest thing is that I'm not the only one. It seems like a great deal of my friends are struggling with various things at the moment - most of which are far worse than a bit of heart-ache and bad skin. If I could take all that suffering away from them I would.

So yesterday I did what I do when I don't feel well: I spent a day on my own wandering around town, drinking coffee, sitting in the sunshine, trying on dresses, going into bookshops, reading, thinking and people watching. Hours and hours staring out of windows, letting things settle, letting myself feel all those feelings that I am usually too busy to deal with. And this is what I saw: a little boy and his mum holding a bubble blower and letting the wind blow bubbles right the way down the street. Instead of running indoors and hiding away from the wind, make that gusty day into something delightful. Instead of letting these feelings drown me, I will open my heart and let them wash over me until they subside and I come up sparkling.

My flatmate says that she feels like I deal with things so well, I've turned a corner, that good things are coming my way, that I will go far, that someone is coming who will accept the whole package. I hope she is right. In the meantime, would anyone like a slice of cake and a gin?

No comments:

Post a Comment