What I have been thinking is this: What is love? Really? I'm not sure I believe that it is just a feeling, I think the feeling is the tip of something much bigger. I can't shake my basic conviction that when it comes down to it love is all there is. Like darkness is a relative absence of light, so fear and pain are a relative absence of love. But I don't think it's ever truly gone. I've been through the wringer - heartache, loneliness, unrequited feelings, sadness - I've known them all. This belief is not founded in pretending these things don't exist. I'm not talking about fluffy, cute, hearts-and-flowers love... I'm talking about faith in love. What if I really honestly believed and acted like love is all there is? How would my life change? What if I took a stand for love - and was able to look all that horribleness in the eye and still believe that love is all there is? Like on a cloudy day I still believe in the sun, so in the face of heartbreak I still stand firm and know beyond any doubt that love exists, that it is always there, that it is wrapped up in the very core of our existence, that we can't be separated from it.This is my challenge to myself: in my moments of despair and isolation, when I think I'm terribly unlovable, I must remember that this is not the truth, that love is the only reality I'm willing to believe in.
I think I might be on this rollercoaster for a while longer, maybe even for the rest of my life. But I'm trying to learn to love the view.