Tuesday, 16 April 2013

It's Ever-present Everywhere

So I was going to write an upbeat, perky little post to compensate for the gravity of the last one, but I'm not sure I can manage it. The last few weeks various things have been surfacing and it looks like it's time to have an emotional spring clean. I have to say that it hasn't been easy - I feel like I'm on a rollercoaster and I'd quite like to have a nice sit down and a cup of tea now please. Alas, I think it will take a while longer, so I'm at least trying to enjoy the view.

What I have been thinking is this: What is love? Really? I'm not sure I believe that it is just a feeling, I think the feeling is the tip of something much bigger. I can't shake my basic conviction that when it comes down to it love is all there is. Like darkness is a relative absence of light, so fear and pain are a relative absence of love. But I don't think it's ever truly gone. I've been through the wringer - heartache, loneliness, unrequited feelings, sadness - I've known them all. This belief is not founded in pretending these things don't exist. I'm not talking about fluffy, cute, hearts-and-flowers love... I'm talking about faith in love. What if I really honestly believed and acted like love is all there is? How would my life change? What if I took a stand for love - and was able to look all that horribleness in the eye and still believe that love is all there is? Like on a cloudy day I still believe in the sun, so in the face of heartbreak I still stand firm and know beyond any doubt that love exists, that it is always there, that it is wrapped up in the very core of our existence, that we can't be separated from it.This is my challenge to myself: in my moments of despair and isolation, when I think I'm terribly unlovable, I must remember that this is not the truth, that love is the only reality I'm willing to believe in.

I think I might be on this rollercoaster for a while longer, maybe even for the rest of my life. But I'm trying to learn to love the view.



3 comments:

  1. you are loved. you are loving. you are love.

    i believe that love is not just an emotion, a feeling we have, long for, seek in the world around us (outside of ourselves), derive self worth from.

    but rather, we are love, in human form.

    true love is not something outside of ourselves, that is given to us by others. but is generated from within.

    and perhaps one of life's greatest challenges is to truly love ourselves. but when we do, the whole world is brighter.

    and in those times when your world isn't feeling bright, please do know that
    you are loved. you are loving. you are love.
    always.

    xox

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thank you very much!
      Absolutely! How could we ever think we are anything else? It's just an illusion that we could ever be separate in any way - but a very persistent one that I'm trying to let go of.I suspect this may take a while, but I think it's worth it :D

      Delete