This is a Facebook update from the wonderful Mrs Im that I pilfered just for you - mostly because I nearly choked on my tea with laughter, so naturally I had to share. Enjoy!
If I ever write a recipe book it will be both hilarious and labelled with a parental guidance sticker...
Chocolate & nut muffins
1: Add flour and baking powder to bowl. Apply very sharp knife to bar of green & black's [no injuries, mild expletives]. Apply rolling pin to almonds and hazelnuts [minor injuries, major expletives]. Mix dry ingredients in bowl.
2: Beat together eggs, sugar, milk and vanilla essence. Melt butter allowing for 20% margin for error [consider adding health warning label to cake tin]
3: Mix wet and dry ingredients. Realise am wearing a lot of batter. Consider licking self. Indulge in smutty snorty laughter.
4: Apply further butter to cake cases. Aliquot batter into cases, wonder if batter is a bit stiff, indulge in further smutty laughter.
5: Open oven and discover washing up in there, previously hidden by husband. Be a little sick in mouth. Put washing up in husbands amazon boxes.
6: Bake cake for 20 minutes while considering whether its too early for a gin.